Critique part of my cover letter

deuscypher · #1 (**permalink**) 11-24-2009, 03:14 AM

Hey everyone,

I would like to know what you all think of my cover letter.
Give me insight on what might i have to to improve.

Here it is:

Over the past few years, I had a friend who introduced me to online marketing. At first when I thought of online marketing, I thought it meant selling products to various people. But, online marketing has broad aspects of how it works. I started out joining affiliate networks, and helping them find potential customers to buy their advertiser’s products. In order to promote the offers, I had to find many ways to gather potential customers. I had to build websites, create banner ads, and try to get my sites on Google’s front page using search engine optimization tactics. In the beginning, I found out that I had a lot of trouble finding potential customers, and that I lost a lot of money investing in these kinds of business ventures. I was on the verge of giving up, but I bought a few motivational posters and posted on the wall, and that is what helped me keep going at what I was doing. After a couple of weeks, I have seen that my effort has brought in a couple of customers. I believe that this experience has helped me gained lots of insight of how hard it is to make money. But, also if you want to make money, you have to work hard for it and not give up.

Pharaoh · #2 (**permalink**) 11-24-2009, 05:46 PM

Personally, I would remove anything where you say "I had to" because this implies "I didn't want to, but had to".

Replace it with "I built websites" instead of "I "had" to build websites" etc

As you can see the first looks more appealing to potential employers.

**JonesersRX7** · #3 (**permalink**) 11-24-2009, 06:23 PM

Quote:

Three years ago I was introduced to online marketing, an experience that would propell my skills of building/designing websites, writing ad copy, generating traffic..... etc...

I started out joining affiliate networks, and assisting them to find potential customers to buy their advertiser’s products. In order to promote the offers, I developed|created and implemented numerous ways to push customers through whatever sales funnel was in place. This included building websites, creating banner ads, and doing SEO work to attain a first page ranking on Google.

The skills that I have developed over the past 3 years will greatly assist me in any company that I join...

etc...

No one cares about you spending money... your motivational posters or any of that crap. You want to point out why you are of value to them and THAT IS IT!!!

They are taking 10-15 seconds to review 100's of resumes a day.

That took me 30 seconds to do so DO NOT USE IT... take the ideas and clean it up.

- J