Re: Help? Where Do I Go To Write???
You lost me right here. First sentence is the most critical. It signals to the reader whether you are a writer worth reading, or not.
Originally Posted by allfacebook
The phrase "in accordance with" usually prefaces some action, or plan of action, that comes about as a result of some directive. ex. "In accordance with the Laws of the State of New Hampshire..." or "In accordance with the Bylaws of the Neighborhood Association..." There's no regulating authority or "manual" in your article at all, and so the "accordance" phrase sticks out like a sore thumb.
There's more to writing than assembling a bunch of grammatically correct words. Each and every word must lend enough "something" to justify it's existence, else the work is better off without it. Obviously, there are style differences, but clumsy prose is not a "style", it's an affliction that must be overcome.
A better choice would have been, "As a result of the overwhelming ...", but then I don't like the word "amount" either. You don't have an "amount" of cats and dogs. An "amount" is a Balance Due, or how much money is left, etc... Dogs and cats are not money.
This is called "wordsmithing". Usually, when I write, I mentally read the sentence 2 or 3 times, and then get a feel for how it fit's in with the previous sentences, and how it helps facilitate the next one. Thing is about writing, is that it requires a LOT of reading in order to be good at it. Sometimes I find myself correcting actors on the big screen, when the lines given to them by the movie's writers aren't quite right. I can sometimes finish the CNN newsreader's sentences, and frequently know exactly how a politician on TV is going to end their sentences.
Writing is like dream analysis. Most people wake up all sweaty from having wrestled a hairy toaster that was pulling them downward towards the drain at the bottom of the City Swimming Pool, and they wonder about the dreams meaning; what the toaster meant, what the hair on it meant, etc... and none of that is important.
What's important is what WASN'T in the dream. Of all of the infinite places a dream could take place in, why was it the City Swimming Pool? Why not a lake, or a bathtub, or an ocean? The answer is because in order to be pulled into a drain big enough to take a person it, it has to be in a place where there is a big enough drain.
Which makes the drain the focal point of the dream.
Q: Why did I dream of being in the City Swimming Pool? A: So I could experience what it was like getting pulled into a big huge drain.
And then the obvious question is, Why, given an infinate number of dreams I might have had (some of which involve multiple nude and sweaty women in various scenarios), why does my "subconscious" choose to dream about being pulled into a drain? What am I trying to tell myself.
A Zen philosopher once said that he used to be plagued by the sounds of voices in his head. Sometimes it was his own voice. His assumption was that ALL of the voices were "him". Then one day he had THE REVELATION, which was when he realized that if all of those voices were "him", then who was it that was doing the listening?
As a writer, one must accept the fact that there are voices. One must also pay attention to them, if for no other reason that to remain sane, as ignoring them only makes them louder and more demanding. However one must also recognize that the voices are "NOT ME", as it is "me" that is doing the listening. This knowledge affords a measure of balance, and sometimes gives one the ability to decide what *I* am really trying to say (vs. what others would like to have me say).
This, above all else: To thine own self be true.
So, (coming back full circle now...) given an infinity of words that could be used, and an infinity of sentences that could have been constructed, what was so compelling about THIS one that had it HAD to be created? If the words do not compel themselves into existence, they will be ignored out of existence by the Reader.
This member has been permanently banned from BHW.