You may be right. Probably are. But I am pissed and so ready to be WRONGGGG!!! I gave him directions on the phone already , I said this to him in a drunken rage:

me: "Do you have a pen?"

him: "yes"

me(about to lol from his answer): "Write these directions down!"

him: "ok"

me(again almost lolling from his answer): " Step 1: You will stop contacting my girlfriend.
Step 2: When you decide whether or not you are going to abide, think about this... You have already agreed to write down these directions. In this agreement if you fail to abide by the term I outlined in step 1, we will not be at the same level of agreeance. In order to be equal I can now make you do something of my choice. My dog, chester, has never had his tool wiped clean and this upsets not only him but me as well. Are you following?"

him: "uhh.. yea"

me: " And in the event you dont abide you will have to wipe his tool clean. If you dont, you hand over the right for me to open up a can on you. The can will be opened on your doorstep the following day whether you like it or not. After that I will make you wipe his tool clean as you will now be at my mercy. Do you understand?"

him: "You dont know who you are f***King with"

me: "Ok billy badass, who am I effing with?"

him: (no answer)

me: "I think I am effing with a 30 year old loser. Billy badass, how much money do you make?"

him: "uhh, enough."

me: "enough money perhaps that you still call yourself a "prospective musician" to the love of my life at the age of 30. Do you live on your own?"

him: "no"

This is when I hung up the phone because I realised I cannot lower myself enough to have a legitimate converstaion with such a badass that likes to be found pissing on himself in my territory. This was an actual conversation, I kid you not. Walt Disney himself couldnt make up such a story

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